I’ve asked God the question a lot lately, “Why do I have to walk this season alone?”
Please do not mistake me, I have had some amazing people come alongside me in the aftermath of my divorce. But this is still a hard season. This is a lonely season – this is Dr. Seuss’ Lonely Games from ‘Oh the Places You’ll Go.’
“Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that sometimes
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
‘cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.”
“Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.” It seems like an odd thing to say, since it feels like there is no shortage of opportunities these days to be surrounded by people. And yet, we are alone. Psychiatry.org cites that 1 in 4 adults (24%) globally report feeling lonely. I have felt lonely this past year.
So, it felt weird this weekend when God was calling me to stay home and not spend a weekend with friends in a cabin. My body was in conflict over needing rest and needing community. He knew this and said, “No, I needed to stay home.” I hate being alone. This denial felt like a weird way to answer my prayer, but that’s what He was doing – answering my prayer.
I think too often we get to these sections of hang-ups and bang-ups; the waiting; and lonely games, not just in the poem ‘Oh the Places You’ll Go,’ but also in life, and we want to skim over them or skip past them. They aren’t glamorous. They are heavy, and if we’re watching someone else go through them, we want to walk or look away. And if we’re going through them, we want to skip to the next happy chapter in our lives, like in Adam Sandler’s movie ‘Click.’ And yet, there is a reason God allows us to sit in these seasons of loneliness.
“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)
I’m not sure at what point that verse landed on my heart leading up to this weekend. Yet, there it was, my answer. My Savior often withdrew to lonely places. Why? I did some research and came across five reasons:
1. Intimacy with the Father
2. Recharging and rest
3. Seeking guidance
4. Setting an example
5. Overcoming distractions
The second one obviously stood out to me. I have been exhausted these last several months trying to keep myself busy when I don’t have my kids and keeping them entertained when I do have them. Here was Jesus in scripture seeking out lonely places to recharge and rest, to commune with the Father. The Savior of the world – the Son of God – needed rest. He needed time with His Father. Why? Because the Son of God was dependent on the Father. He not only needed Him, but wanted to spend time with Him, and vice versa. So it is true with us.
There are several mentions in the Bible where Jesus sought out solitude with the Father, and all of them served to recharge Him spiritually, avoid premature confrontation with enemies, and deepen His connection with the Father. Jesus knew that time alone was time with the Father, where God gets to meet you right where you are and allows you the opportunity to know Him intimately. Where He gets to heal your brokenness and strengthen you for what He has planned.
I don’t know if you have ever gone hiking alone, but it is an equally terrifying and exhilarating experience. I can equate it only to standing next to the ocean. You don’t always grasp the vastness of creation while standing next to someone, or how small you truly are when you are with a group of people, but you feel it when a green forest swallows you whole, and you are in the underbelly of endless vegetation. I love that line from Faith Hill’s ‘I Hope You Dance’ where she sings, “I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.” I hope you feel small when you stand alone in the woods, because that means you are standing beside your Creator.
I was reading recently about the Israelites’ request for a King, and Samuel the prophet who was so grieved by their request. God’s response to him has always stood out to me:
“And the Lord told him [Samuel]: ‘Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you.’” (1 Samuel 8:7-8)
Like waiting, I believe we look at being alone as a punishment. It certainly feels that way. I was reminded this weekend that we have a Creator who desperately wants to spend time with us. Though we feel alone He’s sitting right there next to us. Waiting. Listening. Comforting. Hoping we might just pause for a moment in our grief and welcome Him in. The part that crushes my heart is like the Israelites; He will let us choose something that is not Him. They chose Saul to be their king because having an intimate relationship with He who created them scared them. He allows us to choose others or something else to be our comfort in our lonely seasons. He wants that to be Him, though, the ultimate comforter – the one who knows what is broken and knows exactly how to fix it.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)
The rod and staff are interesting things to be comforted by, unless you know what they are intended for. To a sheep, a rod was a club wielded by their shepherd to protect them from predators. It was used to defend the sheep when danger came close. The staff, also held by the shepherd, was used to guide or keep the sheep on the right path. It also allowed the shepherd to pull them out of thickets or holes that they may have fallen into. The staff allowed the shepherd to draw the sheep close when they began to wander.
I don’t know what season you’re in that has left you lonely, but I know that pain. I have sat and hugged my knees and cried into the darkness, too. Like standing in the woods, though, if I take a moment to inhale, God is drawing me out and drawing me close with His staff. Even though I feel small in the silence, it is only because I am sitting next to my Creator, who tells me He loves me. He delights in me. He can’t wait to spend time with me. That this is just a leg of the journey. Change is coming. He’s going to fill me to overflowing. He’s just recharging me and giving me rest, so He and I can spend some time – Him and me – alone without the distractions.
“He brought me out into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.” (Psalm 18:19)
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)
“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” (Psalm 23;5)
Who are you allowing to draw you near and comfort you during your lonely games?
Is it keeping you from wandering or allowing you to feel more alone?
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